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04:00am 04/02/2006
  Culminare MusicCollapse )  
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06:28am 20/08/2005
  Book ListCollapse )  
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03:23am 12/08/2005
  I've finally written down the lyrics to all of the songs I've recorded. There's still some more that I haven't recorded yet, but here are the lyrics to the ones that are done at present.

Everything Disappears
I take my heart and lay it down
At Your feet and I bow
I lift the lamp that burns so bright
And pray, Lord, with all my might

And everything just disappears
But I can see Your love for me so clear
And everything You gave to me
Was everything You gave at Calvary

I lift these words. I lift my voice
Higher to You Louder still
And all these words should ring so true
Cause I have seen nothing but Love in You

Half a World Away
Please forgive me for
My insufficiencies
I haven't been the man
You would have wanted me to be

I'm half a world away,
But still I can feel you near
And everything I say
Doesn't seem to come out clear

I'm half a world away
But I'm giving all to You
I'm not a perfect man,
But I give my love to you

You take the strain
Of everyday away from me
Open up my eyes;
Eyes that were too blind to see
I'm covered to the bone
In the blood You shed for me
I'll never be alone.
I'll be with You eternally.

Your Word gives me life
Your Love helps me see
Your Breath is inside
Penetrating me, penetrating me

The Great Surrender
If I should surrender
And give my whole life to You
If I should ssurrender
I’d trade in the whole world for You

It’d be worth more than I could ever, ever ask for
And I can’t remember what it was like
Before you turned me towards You face
And Your grace
In this great surrendering

If I should surrender
Deny the world to death
If I should surrender
I’d praise You with every breath

The Covering

I’m waking up for the first time
I open my eyes to see You
And I pray for You to cover

Heaven fell around me
Grace covered my face
But I couldn’t see
The way Your love protected me
Saved me from me

"It’s just a passing stage," they said.
"Been there done that
And left it all behind."
But I have found new light inside
And a love unconquerable

I’m waking up for the first time
I open my eyes to see You…
And I pray for You to cover me

Lord I’ve done so many things
The wrong way
But You’ve erased
Every single thought of that
And did what I could never do
How could I have ever been so blind
To think that I can do this all by myself
I can’t do this alone


Be exalted in my life, in my words, in my actions;
Glorified in my heart, overcoming me
Let Your glory fall like rain

My Jesus (Take Me Away)
You alone are my God
And I worship You
You came down to earth and
You died for me
And I worship You

Every living thing
Praise Your Name
You are my King
Won’t You take me away?

Jesus, You’re the One
Who washed me in
Your cleansing blood ‘cause
You died to free me
From my sin

I will never cease
To praise Your Name
Come quickly, Lord
Won’t You take me away?

I’m crying out to You, my Jesus
I’m crying out to You, my Jesus
I’m crying out to You, Jesus
You are my King
Won’t You take me away?

Sufficient ~falsetto~

Forgiveness flows free
You stretch out Your hand to me
And You grace flows like water to my soul
When I’ve spun out of control
You’ve turned Your face to me
How could I ever look away?

And it’s taken me so long
To understand Your grace
And it’s taken me so long
But I finally see Your face

Living water overflow
And fill up every crack
And pour out of all my soul
O Jesus, You’re the lover of my soul
When I’m spun out of control
You turned Your face to me
You’re so beautiful

And it’s taken me so long
To understand Your grace
And it’s taken me so long
But I finally see Your face

Your grace…
Your grace is sufficient
Your grace is sufficient for me


In the waves
Of Your mercy
Flows your grace,
Pouring over me.
I am bound,
Bound to eternity
Hope is found
Only in Your vicinity

I will never be alone
I am always in Your hands
I will listen when You call
Forever I will stand
In You

I reach out
Because I fear the storm
I would drown
If I didn’t hold Your arm
Give me faith
A faith that will overcome
Give me strength
To go on when I’m left with none
I read this tonight   
01:15am 05/05/2005
  Minus some of the language in it, I like this. It is probably one of the most real intrusions into the mind of someone I've ever read.

The Journal of Riley Appletree
One paddle, rowboat

Smoking will give you cancer – I casually smoke. Drinking can cause liver disease – I tip back a glass of something strong from time to time. Drugs destroy you're whole world – I have a refined palette for many of them. I know the warning signs for diseases, viruses, plagues, and all other forms of destruction out to get us. In fact, most things come packaged with a little label stating the HARMFUL EFFECTS. Even my dealer tells me, occasionally, that doing these things could kill me at any time. Anyway, what won't nowadays? Water gets bleached because it's contaminated, so, either way; we're drinking something unnatural. Foods get injected with preservatives and pesticides; surely not what Granny Smith had in mind when she first picked the apple from its tree. Cows eat sheep; people eat cows; people get diseases. Simple enough cycle and it's killing us more and more every turn it takes. This go-go, fast commerce market we live in has time enough to slap warning labels on all of its products, but can't find the time to disperse with the toxins. However, as long as it's not hurting us now, I guess we don't have to worry about it. That's what I've heard. That's what I hear. That's what I see. Consumerism, capitalism, and a pretty penny to infect ourselves. We'll soon be rowing boats with a single paddle, infected, flat broke, and fucked.
04:08am 25/10/2004
  There's a thousand poems
I've reminded myself not to forget-
lying in bed,
while my toes play
with the water of consciousness,
testing it.

Eloquence and perfection
come to me then;
the Devil whispers,
"You'll remember that.
You have to cause it's too good."

And then I wake up,
only to hear the snake slipping away
and a faint chuckle in the distance.
One day I'll learn, but today
is just another learning experience.
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03:30am 04/10/2004
  Culminare - Latin for "to culminate" cul·mi·nate v. intr. cul·mi·nat·ed, cul·mi·nat·ing, cul·mi·nates 1. To reach the highest point or degree; climax: 2. To come to completion; end: Astronomy. To reach the highest point above an observer's horizon. Used of stars and other celestial bodies. v. tr. To bring to the point of greatest intensity or to completion; climax: ------------ Culminare is a future event, not a current state; so I'm not being smug when I name myself as this in my journal. Just to clarify that...  
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03:11am 07/08/2004
  ..BecomingCollapse )  
09:47am 06/08/2004
  Apparently someone let one of the crazies out of the rubber wall palace, as someone has decided to write really bad, way off poems in response to one of my poems and one of my wife's.

I'm not all too sure who it is, but they're obviously off their rocker, since they took both poems and turned them into something they weren't actually meant to say...

And this journal is brand new; so they would have to have been keeping their eye on us for quite a while...

Strange, I say. Strange.
05:29pm 05/08/2004
  ::typical heart::-(an ode to loneliness in a crowded place)
by Christopher J Brumbaugh

I’ve got a typical heart;

Not the sort of

Special something

You require

To feel complete.

The practicality of supply

Versus demand

Should have knocked

Me out of the picture

Long ago;

But you chose me,

And I can’t quite

Figure it out-

Why you would want to

Take care of and nourish

A heart falling short of

Your every spectation.

I’ve got a typical heart;

Small and underwhelming and

Always falling short of your requirements.
...model...(asphyxiation of an {im}perfect lifestyle)   
04:56pm 05/08/2004
  ...|\/| O |} E |_ ...(asphyxiation of an {im}perfect lifestyle)

by Christopher J Brumbaugh

Your thin, bulimic body

your powdered (in many ways) nose-

Imperfect in perfection.

It takes a chainsaw to cut through

the fakeness surrounding you;

and it is disgusting.

Sex on a whim to get ahead

and more needs than any person

should ever have.

The camera loves you

because of your eyes;

but your eyes tell a truth

it cannot capture-

That you hate yourself for doing this,

That you have become what you wanted

and lost your soul in the process.

You gained diamonds and glamour and

a name in the world

But you lost your personality-

Just a face without a name,

another sexy advertisement for women’s underwear,

another body put on display

for the world to look at.

They want to be you;

To be beautiful like you;

To be wanted and loved worldwide

like you.

But if they only knew

the consequences of becoming

you, they might think otherwise.

You’ve lost yourself somewhere-

Between the love of fame and fortune

and a magazine;

Between the make-up room

and the multiple flashes of cameras

On the runway;

between the pose and the chemicals in the dark room.

Your life is scripted out for you

and now you are too far gone;

and you cry yourself to sleep at night

because this isn’t the way

perfection was supposed to happen
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